Yesterday I woke up in a very unusual mood. I was super tired which unfortunately is very normal for me. But I was kinda hazy. The smoke from the local wildfires came back which could’ve been contributing to it, but in an overall I felt like the world weighed more. Taking my steps were more labor intensive, eye contact with myself in the mirror made me uncomfortable, and I didn’t enjoy the way music was sounding. I assumed at this point it was possibly hormonal or something.

I get to work at the high volume/fast paced 24 hour coffee shop I work at. And it was a shift set up for success. Not exactly the quickest coffee makers, but people all of the same mindset who make a smooth and easy shift. I was incorrect.

The cars came consistently which is alway nice. But the people inside them were unpredictable. I was talking to one of my regulars at the window while she described two popped tires, a house fire and a stalker all in a two week span. Her drink was complicated so they were walking a trainee through it. This prompts the woman behind her to pull out of line to storm up to the walkup window to rant about me talking to my regular. How she won’t stand for the wait, mind you by the time she got to the window I was handing out the person who was originally behind hers order. That is no biggie to me though. I don’t mind impatient people all too much. I understand what it feels like to be waiting, and its pretty obnoxious if you’re already in a mood. But then again if you don’t want conversation, go to a coffee shop that isn’t KNOWN for service..

The hour span that I was on that window was emotional. I talked with men coming home from work to burry Coco, their dog who they found hit that morning. Coco was 7.

I talked with a regular who opened up about a son that she lost a few weeks ago. He went into a Fent induced coma that she ended up pulling the plug on. His daughters are now staying with her in the house that she shares with about 6 other grieving family members.

I usually spend about 5 minutes a shift talking and grieving with people. Today was abnormal. Sometimes I hold their hands or maybe give them little drawings. This is something that I feel is important. A safe place to rant with a stranger, I am an outlet to release some energy and I think it is really important to have something like that if you can’t in your daily life. And I can usually hold my composure pretty well while this occurs. But today was not the day.

I took my break in the middle of my window hour so I could rebuild my vibrations. I sat in my car and listened to the song at the top on repeat about 4 times.

I also ate half of a banana and threw the rest at a flock of crows that was eaten by the end of my shift. Before going inside I grabbed a small pouch that the stand’s favorite regular made for me that I have crystals in. I don’t wear crystals on me at work very often.

I go back inside to finish my shift strong.

I have a delightful regular who I don’t know all too well. He is middle aged, tatted all over, large but a little quiet and overall absolutely delightful man that I am beginning to see more often. The first time I met this man was a random night shift that I had gotten called in for. He had come through with the oddest energy that I really couldn’t put my finger on. I asked him what he was doing all day and he informed me that his daughter just gave birth. We celebrated a bit. And so the next time the man came through I asked him about her, he was very excited to talk about his new family member. I was happy to hear it. I see him about every week. He is sweet and always pretty quiet. We do not talk too much but he is easily one of my favorites to see because he feels safe to be around.

I am making drinks yesterday and see his usual drink pop up on the screen but under “Bad Day”. I make it ASAP, write on it “we love you” and go outside to run it to him. I hand him the drink and he starts to cry instantly. I ask him what is wrong and he is silent so I ask him if I can hug him. He gets out of his car and I hold this man as tight as I can. His vibrations were so insanely low that I swear I could feel them when I touched him. I spent about a minute holding this man and giving him the best affirmations that I could. But it was all so emotional and powerful that I am having a hard time remembering the words that we exchanged. I can only remember the feeling of his aura. When we let go I remember my crystals and hand him a moss agate. This was a random grab but I truly believe it was the correct accidental choice due to moss agate promoting communication and balancing stress and depression and encouraging hope. He gets back into his car and like instantly I am in the standing fighting back tears.

I felt as though I had absorbed some of his energy. I felt like I did because my stomach started to ache in the same way that it does when I myself am hopeless and anxious.

The interaction consumed me. I thought about him all night. I worried about my words and worried about where he was. He never directly told me why he was feeling that way, but he felt to be in pain. And I was scared of that. The way we interacted outside of his car, in front of about 7 other cars leads me to believe that he was in awful shape. I seriously can’t wrap my mind around his energy. And I feel so hopeless when they drive away. I feel like if they stay just a little bit longer that i’ll be able to somehow take the negative energy although this is highly unlikely.

When I drove home from work I listened to that song again and again and again because it felt like it was regulating me. I had to shower and SRUB hard when I got home. I needed to fresh start the night. I made a wonderful dinner with lots of veggies and I cleaned my room with all the windows and doors opened to air out the trapped energy before I could let someone else enter my home.

The night was wonderful because a Taurus person came over. Their reliable, upbeat demeanor is always welcome in my home. I genuinely try my hardest to make it a welcoming environment for them when they come over. And we spent some time blowing bubbles and chasing a good lightning view at my apartment complex. We play chess and listen to music.

I felt like the vibrations had leveled once again.

I slept so well.