I work a grave or two a week right now and it is detrimental to my mental and physical health. I often spend the afternoon after the shift with very little to say, maybe feeling a bit unmotivated. I find myself having a hard time grasping my why in this world when I wake up so late. This will usually bring me to a spiral and I tend to question my entire existence.

This is usually more logic based compared to feeling based. This is where I rage about scheduling, career, schooling, sleep, eating. Basically just all the inner workings of my day and how they effect my life. I tend to be pretty pissed when stuck in this loop, but most of the time it feels like a kickstart to change my life.

But today I woke up emotional. I CAN’T STOP CRYING!!!!!!!

Today is a day that I feel completely hopeless. I am actively sobbing as I write this. But someone has to multitask.

I woke up and started a cup of coffee first thing. No almond milk or creamer. So of course I had to cry over this….. girl WTF

Then I see that its 1:30 PM PM PM PM PM! IN THE AFTERNOON! PM PM! So I cry.

I am making breakfast which I MUST do every morning. Today was two pieces of toast with almond butter, hemp seeds and two cut up bananas on top. I enjoy this with now a cold cup of black coffee. A little caffeine and fruit is usually followed by some dancing and a smile. But as I’m eating I go on TIKTOK and the first video to pop up is a lobster running into a pot of oil. SOBBBBBINGGGGG SOBBING.

This was a wakeup call for sure. And I don’t know what needs to happen but I have to change something soon.

xoxoxo luv ya a milli