Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday. I would request off the whole halloweek if I could. I tried and I can’t…

Last Halloween there was a party at my apartment. And it was actually kinda the perfect little halloween party. Not too crazy but like still bumping.

I had the perfect costume too. I was an evil tooth-fairy. Like are you kidding me right now. I was covered in blood, in white wings and a little skirt. It was seriously a good idea. And even better…. a scorpio “friend” was supposed to show up with a blacked out tooth and a bloody shirt. It was gonna be perfect.

My man… uhh I mean my “friend” didn’t show.

And so you see… this “friend” had wanted me to be a little more serious with them. They suggested that we be a little bit more “one on one” for a lack of any better terminology. To which I said I had to think about that. So whatever. But now at this time I was seeing more of a future than expected. He was sweet. He bought me food. He cried in my arms. He wanted me to stay over. Like little situationship or whatever the hell.

But the issue was that we didn’t click….. in ways…. ways…. but I really can’t get into all that here. Or maybe I can but shouldn’t.

Well anyways. Mind made up. He’s done. Ghosted??? No sir, wrong girl.

But this man sent BOOKS of apologies to me. And honestly it wasn’t that deep but I was self sabotaging. I was bothered by this man. I was stressing it actually… then he sent me 25 dollars over imessage as an apology. But that was a turnoff. Begging is an ick. I say this because I have not once ever made a man I was interested in beg for me. I always cave before that point. But I was just mad and then it felt like he wanted me too much. Freaky.

I sent it back.

To which he sent a beautifully scripted text apology that insisted on taking me out to dinner.A date was set.

But by this time I was more hurt that he stood me up. And was pretty sensitive to being let down. So the whole date I spent really quiet. And he held my hands. He begged for my attention with his eyes, posture, his hands. But that made sad. I didn’t like how easily I hurt him. It made me feel bad. Like powerful and bad. Like a “why am I really mad at this man? but I can’t stop” bad. So I had to keep it up because I was too afraid of being vulnerable around him. In this moment I knew it was over.

Today I was on a walk with my wonderful purple pisces friend. We walk down by the river here and there for therapeutic reasons. And on this walk I see a bicycle coming our way. This bike really stood out to me for the fact that SCORPIO MAN WAS ON SO SAID BIKE.

And every memory came back to me. It was crazy. The way that I hadn’t thought about this man since and now I remember everything about him. It struck me kinda hard.

I thought about his hobbies first. He told me that he was passionate about bread. He then pulled up photos of astonishing loaves of bread with patterns and designs.

I remembered things about his family. They lived in Texas. But he had no huge ties to Texas. No super close friends. I remembered him decorating his room so I’d be comfortable in there. And his UGG brand comforter. And honestly I’d heist that. And his willingness to let me raid his closet on the first date. I remembered him letting me see his coding. And his stories about computer science.

It felt like I knew everything about him again. But somehow I can’t remember his last name. But I knew the person inside.

And I didn’t understand the feeling at all. It felt like Id always know those things about him. That the next time I see him in public, I’ll remember his pasta, beans and marinara combo. That he biked across the US alone for fun.

I feels like his face will forever be engraved in my brain. But this shocked me.

And the more that I think about it, I think that man really would’ve been good for/to me. But I can’t confirm that I would be to him.