running my mouth (keyboard)
If you took the last boy I was seeing and put him in a dark cabin on a remote island for 5 weeks, a little lizard would crawl out of his ear.
A human flavored lizard
And I wholeheartedly believe the lizard is just a parasite. I think he is somewhere in there, the lizard is just controlling.
He knew I felt this about him.
I’ll see ya at the gym, lizard.
This is genuinely the hottest I have ever looked at the gym.
I stairmaster, it’s the most significant part of my workout.
I don’t really lift it I’m being real. I need endurance and a tight stomach, that’s what I’m working for.
But today I have another yeast infection… the second one I’ve ever had (the second this month)….. right…. The hell is this all about.
I usually wear yoga pants when I’m working out, but the internet highly discourages spandex material. To keep the heat and moisture at bay.
So I’m wearing these mid rise, red cargo pants that fit me like a glove. Like for real. So cute.
When I thrifted these pants I didn’t try them on.
Currently I am hot and sweaty in these booty huggers… I tried
Tramp stamp partially exposed, little blank tank top.
And yeast. lol.
December has kickstarted Winter 2025. The sky is starting to darken at 4pm and the bags under my eyes have doubled in size.
Gemini is ruled by the planet Mercury. Mercury is the planet of communication.
I have been struggling with my inner balance recently. I have found that this has translated to my skin breaking out, or at least i’d like that to be the reason for the imperfections.
I started to see a new boy as of recent. It is so fascinating getting to a point with someone where you actually have to start being vulnerable.. I am having a hard time with this.
Me and the boy had plans tonight for him to take me out to dinner. This would be one of the first times we have really done this and since it was a full moon, this actually meant a ton to me.
Mr. boy went MIA all day.. and later messages me saying that he’s too tired to hangout today and cleaned the house all day and needs a rest day. We talk on the phone right after this and he tells me he’s planning on going to the gym later tonight…
I started going through all my cabinets tonight. Clearing out anything that was taking up space.
At the bottom of the “junk drawer” in my kitchen I found a small, skinny blue battery to a vape.
I do not Vape.
This particular device belonged to a past partner, and it amazed me how emotional it made me.
I ran my index finger up and down the blue, chipped body. I looked inside at the trapped sand and dirt in the crevices. I wondered when the last time it was touched, even considered.
I felt so disgusted to still have such a bold reaction. But I found each scratch so fascinating. I found so much comfort in holding it in the places I know someone else did.
All the mindless time spent on such a poor habit. The impulsivity. The vice.
I crouched with my back against the oven and my knees to my chest. I cried big tears filled with lots of pent up emotion.
I mourned many people in my head. People who once knew all the inner workings of me, and vice versa.
brown, green and blue eyes all embedded in my memory. People who have shown me vulnerability. People who allowed me to be.
Strangers.
I woke up this Morning tired as living hell. I closed at the restaurant the night before and had to open at the store. I picked up the shift. AND SOME GERMS
I’m gettin friggen sick. pissed
But the day starts ok. I am working with this cool taurus. She is soo taurus but we get along well. We overshare for hours. It’s the closest thing to therapy I have. Bless her heart.
I drank so much coffee. I had a tea at home before work at 6:30, had a coffee right when I got there ; chased immediately with a shot in the dark. I waited another hour, didn’t feel anything so I had another coffee. Nothing. What the hell.
I like opening a lot actually. I feel really good when I wake up before everyone. Feels productive for me while kind relieving to know that my people are at home. Stress free. I work a lot of nights right now.
While I am at work today, I get a call from my sister telling me that she thinks she saw the neighbor in my front yard. That he was like in the bushes and when she pulled up he ran back into his home.
WHAT THE FUCK. DO NOT DO THAT. please
CAFFEINE HITS ALL AT ONCE I SWEAR.
I left work 35 minutes early and sprinted home. My sister listened in as a confronted the neighbor. He is maybe about 30 and definitely neurodivergent. But speak to him firmly to really reiterate my message. And I said “I am going to come back and tell your mom about this” he says “ok fine”.
I feel weird about the whole thing. But like what the fuck are you doing in my yard. “throwing bread into the bush” he said…. ok
I wait about two hours, I take a shower and dye my eyebrows. I halfway dry my hair and decide to go over again. I knock and immediately the mom opens up. She has short hair, cute freckles and braces. Shes kinda charming and ended up taking it pretty well actually. Was like “oh thats odd. I’ll talk to him”.
But then she says “my oldest?”
I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE ELSE LEAVE THE HOUSE. They are definitely a little secretive or something. Or I am insane. I WILL UPDATE YOU ALL.
I go to the bank and then to my parents house because I have started feeling very lonely. My mother is apparently picking up on this.
She is trying to set me up with one her coworkers who I assume is my age. My mother has never meddled into my love life before so I am kinda wondering why she is now.
My biggest concern to this situation would be that halloween is on a Friday this year and I DO NOT want to be thinking about a damn man. STRESSING OVER A DAMN MAN.
I told her she could. Fuck it.
I woke up today at 6:50AM for my Saturday brunch shift. I have to drive 30 minutes to get to work since its a located within a small town outside of a large.
I had like 4 coffees before 11 and was bouncin around for a few hours. I know I have to look insane or something.
Came home to walk my dog, make dinner, workout and stretch, make a few earrings and now…. blog. All of this lead me to the conclusion that i’m so friggin content right now its crazy. Laying here with a wild imagination. Happy as a damn clam.
WE ARE SO BACK
I am so excited to fall in love again. I have so much fun.
happy birthday lil wayne
Where do I begin with this one…..
I was in a relationship this last year with a Sagittarius man. NOT GOOD. Well regardless. I found him messaging other girls, we break up. Don’t think he didn’t put me through hell though.
Three months later my “friend” who is my ex’s childhood best friend’s girlfriend… (omg sorry) well him and her breakup.
She was there for me when I was going through that breakup, we used to work together, I have been out with her many times.
She shares with me that someone anonymously made an instagram account to send her screenshots of her boyfriend on Fetlife hooking up with random middle aged local ladies. NO JOKE
AND HE HAD BEEN FOR YEARSSSSSS
HES 22!!!!
SHE SENT ME ALL THESE SCREENSHOTS. Messages and videos, even a video of the two of them without her permission. I KID YOU NOT. Like dirty dirty.
So naturally me and her are getting closer. I mean our exs are best friends hell yea we are talking SHIT.
FLASH FORWARDDDDDDDD: we have plans the next Wednesday to get pho
I get a friend request from this girls ex on snapchat. I screenshot it and send it to her and my ex honestly. He was always really worried about how this friend was acting towards me. They are best friends and at this time I don’t loathe my ex. Warning him some might say.
He says nothing. ok whatever.
She says “i’m sorry for getting you into all this drama”
…. umm ok wtf
That night me and my bestie go out to dance. We go to this kinda ratchet bar, but its the only one to moveeee in. We always see people we know, unfortunately.
The ex walks in with some of my exs friends with him. I say hi to them and just brief catching up. My friend’s ex goes “So your ex and my ex”
I look at the friends and they all agree. GET THIS. MY EX HOOKED UP WITH HIS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND’S LONG TERM EX OF LIKE 6 YEARS. MY FRIENDDDDD.
I half believe them at this time just because one of the dudes with them is my best friends ex. He still would do anything to talk to her. He tells her that my friends ex was making bets with his friends on if he’d hook up with me or not.
FUCK NO ARE YOU SERIOUS
So I call the girl. Immediately apologized and was claiming that they only talked for like an hour then blocked each other. I end the call because like fr today I had sent her the ss of her ex trying to add me. SHE WAS TRYING TO GET AT MINEEEE WHYYYYYY. like he sucks.
I go off on the man. Literally vile intentions sent his way in the moment. So hurtful to everyone genuinely. And honestly I still loved him at this point and was still secretly wishing that he loved me too. NGL I stand by what I said to him, I wish I had a filter but I genuinely was speaking from the heart.
Ladies follow that heart #noregrets
We end up calling the next day and I probably apologized to him for my language. dumb asf. He tells me nothing happened. They talked for an hour and he felt bad so he told his friend. His friend is like crashing out. Like threats and guns and shit. My ex is scared of him and is like ” I only have this evidence to clear my name.” and its a text message of this girl saying “I was touching myself on facetime and you wanted to end it.”
BRO
VILE
NASTY
Long story short everyone was lying. What happened was My ex and that girl did have a facetime call together AND WITH ANOTHER GIRL.
VILE AND NASTY
I blocked the girl. I blocked my ex.
I never wanna be around any of that ever again. Lowlife activities. Genuinely sickening.
I’m feeling so good about life right now. I feel so healthy (I just ate three mint Oreos). But like no joke.
Rosa and I went to the rope swing today. It was only 90 degrees but we were still able to get into the water and lay out after.
I GENUINELY FEEL SO GOOD WHEN IM SWIMMING.
it’s been so long since i’ve updated you on my life. So here is a dream I had two nights ago.
Me and my gemini best friend were in a field with coordinates to some random abandoned bunker. It’s like pitch black outside but Rosa works at 5pm so it has to be Winter.
We get to the latch for the bunker and Rosa has me stand guard while she explores it first (genuinely not sure why I sent her first in my own dream..) She comes back out with a black garbage bag full of rocks and says “there are huge ones to the left”.
I put my feet first cause the opening is like a 3ft x 3ft hole. I get on my stomach and push my feet back so I can turn in the small tunnel like entrance. I crawl up further and its like bright enough to see? Idk.
The entrance was lined with shelves filled with jars and notebooks. The jars were dusty and filled with color coordinated rocks. I grab a few of the notebooks and start flipping through them. The handwriting was literally the same as mine so I look at the name, HES RELATED TO ME.
I start flipping through it and find out that he is like my grandpa’s late uncle who was a rock collector. BUT HE IS INSANE!!!
Like his first journal entries are somewhat normal, just a guy logging his rock finds. But he slowly is progressing to a conspiracy theorist NUT. Like he is hiding in the bunker from the CIA because they are trying to steal his rocks..
I head back up to show ROSA but on our way down we turn another corner and find an underground pool UNDERGROUND. And it’s in perfect swimable condition. There is a window that faces another room with some sort of lighting that is slightly illuminating the room. I take a picture. Then we get in.
It was ANGELIC I SWEAR
I woke up that morning at 8am, well rested and being held. Genuinely AMAZING
Why would you leave me alone in this desert?
You know I like the ocean.
I lay down in the warm sand and allow it to swallow me. Smother me.
Hold me one last time.
I was driving down the highway tonight replaying the day in my mind.
Listening to old indie music and hydroplaning twice in all the rain.
These are two of the rocks I was able to find today. Me and my best friend like to go out in the rain and look for agates. Yesterday was a goldmine.
We left with soaked hair and dirt coated boots. BUT OUR POCKETS WERE FULL
it was a good day
Sebrea Things