Sebrea Things

I work at a small bar just about 15 minutes out of town, up River. It’s very farm and community based.

I came into my busiest shift this last week. It’s a Wednesday night and it’s BINGO night. Draws a heavy crowd, always.

One of my oldest regulars out here (he’s genuinely been coming to this bar at 3pm on the dot his whole life) (and he has a drawl when he speaks), he calls me over and slowly asks me how I know this one girl. I recognize the name but can’t put a face to it.

He pulls out his phone and slowly shows me her Facebook.

• A few years ago I was seeing my maintenance man at my first apartment. We had been dating just about 2ish months but nothing official. But we were exclusive (or so I thought. I had later found out that he had another girlfriend who lived in the same apartment complex.

It’s was her Facebook page that my regular had pulled up.

God bless a small town

full moon coming

I woke up around 3:40am last night in a slight panic followed by instant relief. I was having a dream that my neighbor was stalking me…. NO

I have these funky, tall and skinny amber glass and bubbly windows in my house (sorry that was a lot). I have one in my room, one in my bathroom, one for some reason in my garage and one right next to my front door.

I am not able to see out the windows at night and up until last Summer I didn’t know that you could actually see in..

My dog has a horrible habit with eating his poop. HORRIBLE ewWWW

But the solution for some time was that I would follow him and “flip” (burry it) his poop. There is a small side yard area that he loves to poop in, whatever. Coincidently its the side that my amber windows look onto.

One Summer night after Willie did his business and while I was flipping, I noticed YOU CAN SEE INTO MY HOUSE. At the time I had a clear chain link fence separating mine and my neighbors yard.

We have since put a fence, literally for my privacy.

I have gotten horrible vibes from this neighbor, if any of yall remember when I caught the FREAK in my bushes… putting bread in them… YEA ITS THE SAME ONE.

I digress….

I woke up last night from a dream that our houses were like 5 feet apart and into his room was an amber window that lined up perfectly with my amber window into my room. I dreamt that he was watching me and that I was trying to pretend that I wasn’t being watched. But that he was texting me… AHHHH

I had a hard time getting back to sleep cause I obviously needed to go secure the house and make sure no one was around. Thankfully I have a German Shepherd who hates sounds outside. No one was inside and all my windows were locked.

****** LATER **********

I had a busy day at work but still had a ton of energy. I actually drank so much caffeine today that I was still wired. I decided I wasn’t going to go to the gym since it is like almost a full moon and energy was already weird as all hell.

So I decided to clean my gutters. They haven’t been done yet this year and my compost bin was picked up last week so it seemed like a perfect time.

Im up there doing my thing and it starts to get a little dark, but light enough to see things kinda so I am still pluggin away, it is only 5:45pm.

But my neighbors a few houses down are playin loud music, bumping and kids shouting.

I am in the corner area of my house and fence. about 30 ft away from his window when I notice him open it up and fumble with a ladder sitting outside his window. He puts a hat on and has a thick maroon colored thing around his neck that looks like it might be to cover his face. I watch him slip right out his window, duck when going past the other windows and walk into his yard.

I am literally fucking stunned. I just got off my ladder as quickly and quietly as possible and FREAK OUT.

PAIRED WITH MY DREAM I AM ACTUALLY SHAKING IT IS NOT OK. I STILL FUCKING AM.

help me, but i’ll keep you updated.

I am actually terrified

ode to M

Things recently fizzled with a beautiful man I had been seeing for the past 5ish months. I’m perfectly happy with how they ended with you my sweet but how badly I wish it could’ve been so easy with you.

I met him once before many years ago when I was actually seeing his friend. We showed up to an event that he had invited us to, but I made note of him.

Fast forward to a few months ago, I was going through a horrible soul crushing breakup. M came into my work and I told him I recognized him. His demeanor was so chill and friendly and confident. He was so polite and seemed so honest. I imagined what a life with a man like that would be like. And genuinely it was what pushed me to finally cut off my ex.

He came back a few more times, so one night I followed him on instagram. He followed me back the next day. That same week he had come back to my place of work when his friend who was with him came up to say hi, I asked if M was here and he said yes. I replied “I love him”

Girl.

He goes “oh yea you love him.” I say “no but I eat him up.”

GIRL

He leaves and I freak out for about an hour before M comes up and asks if i’d like to do something with him sometime. It genuinely felt like fate.

We spent the summer hanging out 1-2 times a week with very little communication between that. He was like no one else I have ever met. Careless about love but kept me company. I met his family and napped with him in his room once.

We went on hikes, to the coast, made food with his camping gear on little day dates. We listened to music from the 70s but spoke nothing of commitment. We had spoken of exclusivity which eased my mind, but honestly I wanted more so bad.

I wanted him to want me so bad. I wanted him to care about me in a way that I genuinely don’t think is possible for him. He lived a life of solitude but kept himself entertained. He was a low energy man but I wanted him to match my pace so so so bad.

I adored his long hair, his freckles, his mustache, his kind eyes. But the lack of admiration for me on his end was hard to cope with. I knew this was short term, but it felt so nice to be with a good man for once that I held onto every single moment I got with him.

M you mean so much to me and I am so thankful for the time we spent together. I hope you are able to appreciate me the way that I do you.

You never made much sense to me, I adored that about you.

You looked like a young Glenn Frey and that really did it for me.

STAIRMASTER THOUGHTS !

My friend once told me I had a “lustful heart”

She named her cat after her favorite rapper at the time (2022 being the time)

I am currently 20 minutes deep on the stepper at level 7.

I am stressed right now. Mine and my sisters shared middle fence is falling down, along with all the other sides. But when the man is coming to start rebuilding it is tomorrow while I am Sunday brunch bartending.

My sweet little evil baby is 75lbs and definitely a protector of me and his home. I’m scared he’s gonna go nuts while the man is fixing it !!!!

I’ll update y’all if anything crazy happens for sure.

My other concern is that my last solo bartending shift was an absolute disaster. Couldn’t sleep all fucking night if I’m being honest. Made me rethink my whole life plan and future honestly.

Now I will explain!

Last Sunday was just a few days before Christmas, I had expected to be actually balls to the walls busy.

I wasn’t.

It was actually quite slow. Which to me was fine since I’m still learning drinks and lotto. I get really stressed out.

Everyone who came in was really chill and super cool. Until I got these two ladies coming in to play pool. Really only about one lady.

A tall ginger with glasses, probably in her mid 20s. She was super cool.

And a Shorter body, shorter haired 30 year old mask lesbian.

They grabbed menus from me. The Ginger ordered an iced tea and the Masc got a double well whisky to sip. They later ordered an appetizer sampler which is literally huge.

After about an hour of playing I go back to turn back on the TV cause I accidentally turned it off trying to adjust the KENO tv. I’m still learning you guys… ughhhhh.

The mask orders just a single and finishes off the first drink. I bring it to them and another 30-40 minutes go by when the ginger comes up and says “this is first date. It’s awful. Make sure they get home safe.”

To which I’m surprised. Like hypothetically they only have a drink and a half in the system so wtf.

THEY TOPPLE RIGHT ON OVER.

Yada yada of me trying to communicate with a drunk as fuck crazy biiooottchhh

A cab is called. And of course she has the kittens…. lol I missed that part.

(While retrieving their carrier so she could take them. I saw an open bottle of whiskey…)

RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT YEA DUHHH

I’m livid. AND SHES JUMPED RIGHT BACK OUT THE TAXI.

I HAVE TO PHYSICALLY TAKE HER KEYS AND THREATEN COPS. A GROWN WOMAN. CHASE HER ASS BACK INTO THE TAXI!

And stress and shake all night.

CAN YOU SEE WHY IM STRESSED.

NEXT READ

eyebrow

DO NOT LOOK AT MY SKIN PLS IDK WHATS HAPPENING TO ME!!!! I actually broke up with an evil man and my skin got worse ???

I got invited to a wedding in April. As the groomsman’s date. We have been subtly Flirting and I’m just having a blast. He’s an Aquarius and like when I’m mean subtly flirting I mean I MIGHT BE FABRICATING THE WHOLE THING.

But like he asked me to be his date for a wedding months away. HELP ME

NEXT READ

lizard boy

If you took the last boy I was seeing and put him in a dark cabin on a remote island for 5 weeks, a little lizard would crawl out of his ear.

A human flavored lizard

And I wholeheartedly believe the lizard is just a parasite. I think he is somewhere in there, the lizard is just controlling.

He knew I felt this about him.

I’ll see ya at the gym, lizard.

NEXT READ

Yeasty

This is genuinely the hottest I have ever looked at the gym.

I stairmaster, it’s the most significant part of my workout.

I don’t really lift if I’m being real. I need endurance and a tight stomach, that’s what I’m working for.

But today I have another yeast infection… the second one I’ve ever had (the second this month)….. right…. The hell is this all about.

I usually wear yoga pants when I’m working out, but the internet highly discourages spandex material. To keep the heat and moisture at bay.

So I’m wearing these mid rise, red cargo pants that fit me like a glove. Like for real. So cute.

When I thrifted these pants I didn’t try them on.

Currently I am hot and sweaty in these booty huggers… I tried

Tramp stamp partially exposed, little blank tank top.

And yeast. lol.

NEXT READ

Gemini Full Moon 2025

December has kickstarted Winter 2025. The sky is starting to darken at 4pm and the bags under my eyes have doubled in size.

Gemini is ruled by the planet Mercury. Mercury is the planet of communication.

I have been struggling with my inner balance recently. I have found that this has translated to my skin breaking out, or at least i’d like that to be the reason for the imperfections.

I started to see a new boy as of recent. It is so fascinating getting to a point with someone where you actually have to start being vulnerable.. I am having a hard time with this.

Me and the boy had plans tonight for him to take me out to dinner. This would be one of the first times we have really done this and since it was a full moon, this actually meant a ton to me.

Mr. boy went MIA all day.. and later messages me saying that he’s too tired to hangout today and cleaned the house all day and needs a rest day. We talk on the phone right after this and he tells me he’s planning on going to the gym later tonight…

I started going through all my cabinets tonight. Clearing out anything that was taking up space.

At the bottom of the “junk drawer” in my kitchen I found a small, skinny blue battery to a vape.

I do not Vape.

This particular device belonged to a past partner, and it amazed me how emotional it made me.

I ran my index finger up and down the blue, chipped body. I looked inside at the trapped sand and dirt in the crevices. I wondered when the last time it was touched, even considered.

I felt so disgusted to still have such a bold reaction. But I found each scratch so fascinating. I found so much comfort in holding it in the places I know someone else did.

All the mindless time spent on such a poor habit. The impulsivity. The vice.

I crouched with my back against the oven and my knees to my chest. I cried big tears filled with lots of pent up emotion.

I mourned many people in my head. People who once knew all the inner workings of me, and vice versa.

brown, green and blue eyes all embedded in my memory. People who have shown me vulnerability. People who allowed me to be.

Strangers.

NEXT READ

10/01/2025

I woke up this Morning tired as living hell. I closed at the restaurant the night before and had to open at the store. I picked up the shift. AND SOME GERMS

I’m gettin friggen sick. pissed

But the day starts ok. I am working with this cool taurus. She is soo taurus but we get along well. We overshare for hours. It’s the closest thing to therapy I have. Bless her heart.

I drank so much coffee. I had a tea at home before work at 6:30, had a coffee right when I got there ; chased immediately with a shot in the dark. I waited another hour, didn’t feel anything so I had another coffee. Nothing. What the hell.

I like opening a lot actually. I feel really good when I wake up before everyone. Feels productive for me while kind relieving to know that my people are at home. Stress free. I work a lot of nights right now.

While I am at work today, I get a call from my sister telling me that she thinks she saw the neighbor in my front yard. That he was like in the bushes and when she pulled up he ran back into his home.

WHAT THE FUCK. DO NOT DO THAT. please

CAFFEINE HITS ALL AT ONCE I SWEAR.

I left work 35 minutes early and sprinted home. My sister listened in as a confronted the neighbor. He is maybe about 30 and definitely neurodivergent. But speak to him firmly to really reiterate my message. And I said “I am going to come back and tell your mom about this” he says “ok fine”.

I feel weird about the whole thing. But like what the fuck are you doing in my yard. “throwing bread into the bush” he said…. ok

I wait about two hours, I take a shower and dye my eyebrows. I halfway dry my hair and decide to go over again. I knock and immediately the mom opens up. She has short hair, cute freckles and braces. Shes kinda charming and ended up taking it pretty well actually. Was like “oh thats odd. I’ll talk to him”.

But then she says “my oldest?”

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE ELSE LEAVE THE HOUSE. They are definitely a little secretive or something. Or I am insane. I WILL UPDATE YOU ALL.

I go to the bank and then to my parents house because I have started feeling very lonely. My mother is apparently picking up on this.

She is trying to set me up with one her coworkers who I assume is my age. My mother has never meddled into my love life before so I am kinda wondering why she is now.

My biggest concern to this situation would be that halloween is on a Friday this year and I DO NOT want to be thinking about a damn man. STRESSING OVER A DAMN MAN.

I told her she could. Fuck it.

09/27/2025

I woke up today at 6:50AM for my Saturday brunch shift. I have to drive 30 minutes to get to work since its a located within a small town outside of a large.

I had like 4 coffees before 11 and was bouncin around for a few hours. I know I have to look insane or something.

Came home to walk my dog, make dinner, workout and stretch, make a few earrings and now…. blog. All of this lead me to the conclusion that i’m so friggin content right now its crazy. Laying here with a wild imagination. Happy as a damn clam.

WE ARE SO BACK

I am so excited to fall in love again. I have so much fun.

happy birthday lil wayne