I have found myself seeing a man to which I feel very loyal to for some reason. We have been seeing each other for a few months now while both also seeing others as well when it first started. But right now untitled, I’m his. He will never know that.
I get asked out a lot. Men come at me through all forms of communication, and I am always toeing the line of entertaining it out of boredom and being insanely scared of the interaction. I have a hard time saying no and a hard time spending time and possibly regretting it or feeling really gross about it.
I wrote about a man I used to see a while back and right after I did that he messaged me for the first time in almost a year. It spooked me cause because it seemed like a sign. And it was.
I saw this man for a few months I believe last Fall. And things ended abruptly all on my end. And he reached out a few times and I failed to reply. But since I had just passed him and just wrote about him I felt destined to reply.
He asked me if I would like to go get dessert and catchup. I waited about a day to reply of course just to make sure I was really truly wanting to reply to him again. But honestly it felt so important to the universe for me to cross his path again and I needed to finish that chapter clearly.
After a couple days of light conversation over text he plans a day for us to get dessert. I agreed and the day of I contemplated canceling about a million times. But I decided to meet him.
I got to the place where we agreed to meet and he was sitting out front. When I approached him I gave him a friendly hug just to make things less awkward and we walked inside. He opens the door. I notice that he is stuttering and not making a lot of eye contact, he is nervous.
I choose a slice of apple pie and he chooses a lemon bar. The man putting them in the box asks if it is together or separate, I say together. HE TAKES A STEP TO THE SIDE AWAY FROM ME.
HE ASKED ME ON THE DATE AND WAS NOT GOING TO PAY FOR MY 5 DOLLAR SLICE OF PIE AND HIS 3 DOLLAR LEMON BAR.
He walks back to me while Im signing the receipt and says ” I can Venmo you a couple dollars.” I make a stank face and say “ur good”
We take the food and walk back outside where there are tables to eat at. We sit down and the conversation is not fluid. He is nervous and honestly very odd. Like trying to be flirty and I am shutting it down left and right. LEFT AND RIGHT.
The dessert is eaten and my fingers are turning white. This is a strange thing that happens to me for some reason, but it will be a whole finger and nothing else that turns white and numb. I honestly don’t get it. Whatever.
He suggests that we go to his apartment and I drive since he walked…. (Premeditated way to get me back to his house). Whatever I am cold. So we get back to his house and I have to park on the street downtown in the dark and about a block away from his apartment as well as through a mini alley thing with a dumpster (remember this later).
We are making it up the stairs to which he informs me that he lives alone and I just assumed that he stilled lived with his last roommate. OOOOP-
We get into the apartment and it is SO COLD. And so… boy. Nothing on the walls. A pretty bland and non inviting environment. I digress….
He takes me on a tour of his place, this not including his room or the bathroom. And so naturally we open up the kitchen cabinets and I analyze. He has 4 spices in his cabinet
- Lemon pepper
- Cinnamon
- Salt
- Pepper
RED FLAG. Like where is the flavor????
We continue walking around his living room and kitchen. I draw my attention to the two decorations he has on his desk. A rose quartz and a small ceramic cat. I point to them and he says ” I still have the rock you gave me” …. Damn ahahaaaa. So I say “You said you didn’t have any pets? What is your cat’s name?”
“It’s not real.”
“Do you even feed her? She is way too small.”
“Its a fake cat.”
BOOOO BOOOO BOOO BORING. “ok”
“Wanna take a tour of my room.”
“yea sure.”
We walk into his room and I kid you not there is a bed and a nightstand… Tour? Clearly that was his way of trying to get me into his room, but I was still holding my purse. That is a tell tale sign that this woman is ready to leave and not comfortable.
“Nice” I walk right back out.
“should we watch something?” He says while he puts his arm around me. I move away from him and sit on the couch and say “sure.”
He turns on shark tank and we watch one sales pitch. Once the first commercial hits I stand up, he does too and I say “I think I might head home.” He sits back down “ok”
So I walk to the door and unlock it, open it and say “do you want me to lock the handle on the way out?”
“No I’ll get it after you leave.”
And I walk down the three flights of stairs, through the dumpster area, down the block in the dark and rain finally to my car.
How mother fucking disrespectful.
I sat in my car for a good ten minutes trying not to cry. I felt like an object. I really made me recognize just how low he thought of me. How little worth I was.
He was the one to ask me on the date, that he made me pay for. He also took me to his house where I assume he thought we might “do stuff”, and once he realized that I wasn’t interested in fucking him he stopped even caring remotely about me as a human. Dehumanizing as fuck.
I am a woman in her 20s. The absolute bare minimum was to walk me to THE DOOR. Let alone my car. THE DOOR is the bare minimum. He sat back down to let me leave. How absolutely disgustingly objectified I felt in those small subliminal actions.
I believe that it was good he reached out. I think I felt at some point that I could’ve treated him better in the first place and I felt a little guilty about it. I thought of him as sweet. I think I needed him to come back around one last time to finalize the relationship all together and to paint the picture that it truly was. And for that I am thankful.
I went into the “date” knowing that nothing more than talking would happen. Like I said I don’t want to disrespect the man I have been seeing. But I still wished that it went better.
