I ESCAPED

Where do I begin with this one…..

I was in a relationship this last year with a Sagittarius man. NOT GOOD. Well regardless. I found him messaging other girls, we break up. Don’t think he didn’t put me through hell though.

Three months later my “friend” who is my ex’s childhood best friend’s girlfriend… (omg sorry) well him and her breakup.

She was there for me when I was going through that breakup, we used to work together, I have been out with her many times.

She shares with me that someone anonymously made an instagram account to send her screenshots of her boyfriend on Fetlife hooking up with random middle aged local ladies. NO JOKE

AND HE HAD BEEN FOR YEARSSSSSS

HES 22!!!!

SHE SENT ME ALL THESE SCREENSHOTS. Messages and videos, even a video of the two of them without her permission. I KID YOU NOT. Like dirty dirty.

So naturally me and her are getting closer. I mean our exs are best friends hell yea we are talking SHIT.

FLASH FORWARDDDDDDDD: we have plans the next Wednesday to get pho

I get a friend request from this girls ex on snapchat. I screenshot it and send it to her and my ex honestly. He was always really worried about how this friend was acting towards me. They are best friends and at this time I don’t loathe my ex. Warning him some might say.

He says nothing. ok whatever.

She says “i’m sorry for getting you into all this drama”

…. umm ok wtf

That night me and my bestie go out to dance. We go to this kinda ratchet bar, but its the only one to moveeee in. We always see people we know, unfortunately.

The ex walks in with some of my exs friends with him. I say hi to them and just brief catching up. My friend’s ex goes “So your ex and my ex”

I look at the friends and they all agree. GET THIS. MY EX HOOKED UP WITH HIS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND’S LONG TERM EX OF LIKE 6 YEARS. MY FRIENDDDDD.

I half believe them at this time just because one of the dudes with them is my best friends ex. He still would do anything to talk to her. He tells her that my friends ex was making bets with his friends on if he’d hook up with me or not.

FUCK NO ARE YOU SERIOUS

So I call the girl. Immediately apologized and was claiming that they only talked for like an hour then blocked each other. I end the call because like fr today I had sent her the ss of her ex trying to add me. SHE WAS TRYING TO GET AT MINEEEE WHYYYYYY. like he sucks.

I go off on the man. Literally vile intentions sent his way in the moment. So hurtful to everyone genuinely. And honestly I still loved him at this point and was still secretly wishing that he loved me too. NGL I stand by what I said to him, I wish I had a filter but I genuinely was speaking from the heart.

Ladies follow that heart #noregrets

We end up calling the next day and I probably apologized to him for my language. dumb asf. He tells me nothing happened. They talked for an hour and he felt bad so he told his friend. His friend is like crashing out. Like threats and guns and shit. My ex is scared of him and is like ” I only have this evidence to clear my name.” and its a text message of this girl saying “I was touching myself on facetime and you wanted to end it.”

BRO

VILE

NASTY

Long story short everyone was lying. What happened was My ex and that girl did have a facetime call together AND WITH ANOTHER GIRL.

VILE AND NASTY

I blocked the girl. I blocked my ex.

I never wanna be around any of that ever again. Lowlife activities. Genuinely sickening.

Best day ever

I’m feeling so good about life right now. I feel so healthy (I just ate three mint Oreos). But like no joke.

Rosa and I went to the rope swing today. It was only 90 degrees but we were still able to get into the water and lay out after.

I GENUINELY FEEL SO GOOD WHEN IM SWIMMING.

my dream two nights ago

it’s been so long since i’ve updated you on my life. So here is a dream I had two nights ago.

Me and my gemini best friend were in a field with coordinates to some random abandoned bunker. It’s like pitch black outside but Rosa works at 5pm so it has to be Winter.

We get to the latch for the bunker and Rosa has me stand guard while she explores it first (genuinely not sure why I sent her first in my own dream..) She comes back out with a black garbage bag full of rocks and says “there are huge ones to the left”.

I put my feet first cause the opening is like a 3ft x 3ft hole. I get on my stomach and push my feet back so I can turn in the small tunnel like entrance. I crawl up further and its like bright enough to see? Idk.

The entrance was lined with shelves filled with jars and notebooks. The jars were dusty and filled with color coordinated rocks. I grab a few of the notebooks and start flipping through them. The handwriting was literally the same as mine so I look at the name, HES RELATED TO ME.

I start flipping through it and find out that he is like my grandpa’s late uncle who was a rock collector. BUT HE IS INSANE!!!

Like his first journal entries are somewhat normal, just a guy logging his rock finds. But he slowly is progressing to a conspiracy theorist NUT. Like he is hiding in the bunker from the CIA because they are trying to steal his rocks..

I head back up to show ROSA but on our way down we turn another corner and find an underground pool UNDERGROUND. And it’s in perfect swimable condition. There is a window that faces another room with some sort of lighting that is slightly illuminating the room. I take a picture. Then we get in.

It was ANGELIC I SWEAR

I woke up that morning at 8am, well rested and being held. Genuinely AMAZING

Why would you leave me alone in this desert?

You know I like the ocean.

I lay down in the warm sand and allow it to swallow me. Smother me.

Hold me one last time.

12/13

I was driving down the highway tonight replaying the day in my mind.

Listening to old indie music and hydroplaning twice in all the rain.

These are two of the rocks I was able to find today. Me and my best friend like to go out in the rain and look for agates. Yesterday was a goldmine.

We left with soaked hair and dirt coated boots. BUT OUR POCKETS WERE FULL

it was a good day

A Night in my Body

My skin is breaking out and my eyes are red from scrubbing my makeup off today. I’m wearing high school volleyball sweats with a line of paint on the ass where I backed up into a wet cabinet door. I ran my fingers through my hair until every curl was separated. I am holding it out of my face with a green headband I have been using every night for about 5 years. My white slippers with the purple butterflies are on. I wear a light green tank top that is see through enough to not only see my nipples but make out where each of my tattoos lie.

In no way shape or form would I ever allow anyone else to ever see me outside the house like this, I look fucking sexy.

Like not in a conventional way though, more like “free girl” “wild lady” kind of way.

And although I feel stuck and confused right now. My body knows who I am, she knows what I deserve.

demands it.

Dinner for One

Tonight I went out by myself for the first time in a very long time. I have always been pretty independent but often find myself latching on pretty hard to people and stop doing things by myself. It gets uncomfortable if you haven’t really been alone in a while.

But I am pretty alone right now so it appears I will rekindle the strained connection with myself.

When I got to the restaurant they automatically assumed I had a To Go order since I was alone. This is amusing to me because I TOTALLY do this at my work too.

They sat me in the back with a chair pointing directly at a couple clearly on a date.

Dinner and a show 😉

…. Except my eavesdropping got awkward so fast once I started really hearing their conversation.

This man (graphic tshirt, work boots and a hat) is talking about hitting his ex wife, on a date…… to a very small woman.

What the fuck.

Like

Im refreshing my emails to find something to distract me or LITERALLY ANYTHING!!!! But I had one bar of service, no food yet and this man was LOUD.

I have never hit anyone. I don’t see myself hitting anyone in the near future. And if I did I think I’d be a bit embarrassed by it.

I definitely wouldn’t be sharing loudly on a first date to a woman who is CLEARLY not engaging.

I’ve been on bad dates. I’ve been on more bad first dates than good so I know what it looks like. It looks like getting up to go to the “bathroom” and making eye contact with the girl who is clearly listening and subtly nodding.

Girl I get it. You don’t claim him.

I notice her putting on her jacket and setting her purse on her lap as he talks about the failed sex life he had with his ex, she’s showing him she’s ready to go.

Once the check is paid, she stands up prompting him to leave too. We lock eyes again. I feel bad for her.

And they are now gone.

My food comes soon after.

Cilantro tastes like soap

I date a man who I love and cherish. He has beautiful eyes, a sweet smile, a lovely nose, and he’s funny and intelligent. I love him with my heart and soul. I feel deeply connected to him and we even match up pretty well astrologically.

But he messaged his ex in early stages of us talking via email… yea I know it’s so embarrassing for me.

Email… WTF

but I shrugged that off.

My intuition struck up again when he got too flirty with a coworker of ours. There ended up being something there. It was a big deal.

I pretended to shrug that off

He has now taken a job that will send him out of town and alone in a hotel room for over a week quite frequently.

I want to trust him. I really want to. But at the end of the day …

Am I overthinking? Or am I being lied to again?

UPDATE ALERT !!!!!

he cheated on me 08/03/25

My room is filled with clutter and I’m watching my plants wither. I’m aware of their health but my skin won’t stop breaking out and my nails are getting brittle.

I observe as a leaf turns brown. I watch it shrivel. But my legs are filled with bruises and my arms are getting weaker.

Dust collects on the untouched plant but my jeans have swallowed me completely and I now I’m stuck.

I don’t wanna kill us both so I water her for the first time in a month in hopes that she will save me in return

As of this very minute

I’m currently sitting in the shade of a Walmart parking lot to get my tires switched. My fingernails are dry to touch but would smudge if I tried putting my shoes on. Metaphorically, my shoes are currently on.

I bought a Duplex with my sister about a month ago from my Grandpa’s life long bestie. He rented it out for 20+ years. He kept rent low but the house got too expensive to keep renovating so he’s deciding to sell instead of gradually upping rent due to regulations around how much a landlord can up rent a year. I’m renovating it with my sister, mom, dad and boyfriend.

My lizard hasn’t eaten in like 5 days and that stresses me out. I have about a dream a week regarding her health. I love her and worry about her. Sometimes I feel like maybe I should surrender her just so I don’t stress the amount that I do about her, but that requires a heartbreak that I am not willing to face.

I have to urinate but they said only about an hour for the car, and I’m thirty minutes deep so I think I’ll be ok.