I had a dream last night that I am going to share with you.

In my dream I was at a common outdoor mall in town that I usually don’t regular. And at this mall was a coffee shop that I was like skipping into. The day was warm and summery so naturally I would be floating into a coffee shop.

As I am running in, all but one employee is sitting outside eating ice cream off of cones. They wave hello to me, I do the same and open the door. The woman at the counter has long dark brown hair with a very natural beauty. Long eyelashes, nicely shaped eyebrows and freckles. I tell her that I love the people outside and she says “and they love you”.

I look around the shop and their decoration/menu is a bunch of statues of what they offer. Like statues of coffee and ice cream because apparently they also offer that.

I go to the counter and ask if I could get an iced oat milk latte with pumpkin flavoring. She says of course and starts making it. We have some conversation that I seriously can’t remember but as she is charging me out (it is 4.25 and I tip her 3 because she’s cute) she says “If you like it I work in the morning the next two days”.

“oh I’m definitely coming back.”

“I can’t wait, see you soon.”

• So you see, sometimes I worry that I just tell people I’m bisexual for clout and that I’m actually confusing my appreciation for attraction. And then I have cutie w/w dreams to check me… i’m just scared of women. like flirtatious undertows, and my unconscious want for her to be flirting with me.

I run to my car, so excited to see her Tomorrow. And I start to reverse but in my dream I am at a mall right by a Trader Joes. Trader Joes never has any parking at all, so this is actually quite historically accurate.

I start reversing and a grey mom car pulls to my left to try and take my spot. But zooming in fast to the right is a white Corvette that forces me to reverse quickly into the car parked on the isle behind me. I hit them. And I look to my left and right, suddenly no one is in sight SO I LEAVE!!! WHAT! I definitely thought that even asleep me would have some sort of conscious.

I pull away and head to a 711 down the road. When I get there like a bus full of people are already waiting in line. They also only have like one thing too, all salty cracker snacks.

I head to the back of the line and grab my keys from my bag. I touch my car key and it breaks In half. Immediately I know its Karma. And like halfway across the store I see my dad???

I run over to him and he helps me superglue it together.

The End

You could say I had a fever dream, because it was a dream while I was running a fever of course. But honestly like all my dreams are like this.

I caught the stupid stupid stupid flu from a party I went to a few days ago. This was a week before halloweekened halloween parties which I will always support. I don’t have 5+ costumes for nothing. I expect to wear them all.

I always put so much emphasis on Halloweekend that I always manifest the craziest things to happen. And honestly I hope something wild happens again. I NEED IT TO. I need some life altering event to spark some excitement and storytelling. Cause we all know I like to tell a little story or two.

I have this costume I thought of for halloween that I need a specific person to see me in. Like really badly. Like a specific cutie cat taurus man.

I have been seeing this person for about 5 months now, and its kinda complicated. We only recently established that we both caught feelings. But now that makes it worse right? Now am I emotionally invested? Is that smart?

I spent this whole last year testing my ability to attract men, to build relationships with them, to not have any emotional connection to some, to be manipulated and lied to, to get hurt and also to hurt them. That it doesn’t feel quite right this “thing” I got going on. Especially since I am now emotionally intertwined with him.

I got out of three year long relationship summer 2022. But that isn’t what messed me up bad. The two people who actually messed me up the worst were a coworker that I fell in deep with and….. my maintenance man.

ok maybe I should elaborate.

But not yet. I’ll dive into those later.

I was recently messaged by someone that I went out for brunch with last Spring. It was a Hinge date, he is something like 6’3 or so I believe. His hair is the same length as mine. He wears vans cargo pants and basic tee shirts. He is passionate about Photography. Overall an interesting and creative being.

So why is there absolutely no connection?

I am writing this to discuss “chemistry” and just how important it is.

When I first met this man I picked him up from his dorm room on campus. First thing he said to me was ” oh cool accent! Where are you from?”

I do not like this question one bit because I hate disappointing and I am born and raised in Oregon.

He was born in Brazil to a wildly adventurous and artistic family. Something about his father’s work caused them to move a few more places before ending up in the US. He knows french and a good amount of information on pop culture and arts from many different countries.

We find our way to a vegetarian and vegan brunch restaurant that I regular. And while we wait for our seat he goes in depth about a photography project he is working on. And the way that this man is passionate about his craft is truly inspiring. I love when people love what they do.

But he talked about trips, and trips (mushrooms) in New Zealand. He shows me pictures from it. And I listen.

He talks about one of his friend’s projects and shows me photos he took from it. And I listen.

He talks about hikes he took and then shows me more photographs from them. And I listen.

By the time we have eaten all our food and he ran out of photos in his camera roll, he asks “would you like to split it?”

I say “it’s cool I got it.” And this excites him. He is kind but young (we are the same age). And I feel almost happy about how little I talked. How little this man knew of me.

I drop him off. And I never reply to his text. Until a week ago when he messages me again and apologizes for “ghosting me”. I don’t argue this because he is an Aries and honestly does it really matter at the end of this life?

He asks when I will be free to get food with him again. And I remind him that I have two jobs and don’t have a ton of time. But he coaxes me in by asking if I would come over and he would cook me a vegan dinner with wine.

IM THERE!!! Literally was in a 3 year long relationship that not once did that man cook for me. Hell yes i’m letting a carnivore cook vegan food for me. I let him know I could come over after work the following week.

The day is here and I sprint home after work to get ready for this man. I change and touch up my makeup and head to the store to get him flowers for hosting.

When I show up to the house it is a gorgeous and large 1920s architecture styled home right on a hill and right below a native plant park. Gorgeous and odd layout with a whole lot of windows. I eat it up.

When I get inside he is playing classical music that has gone viral on TikTok a couple years prior, and he is stirring a pot of bowtie pasta. He tells me that he is making us some pesto noodles, I love pesto SO BAD. But after he strains the pasta and adds the pesto, the noodles aren’t green in the slightest. Like you cannot tell that there is any pesto on them. He takes a bite and says “that’s gas”………. ok

We sit down at the table and eat the bowtie noodles with a glass of wine. That is all folks. But whatever honestly. A man was cooking for me, of course I ate a snack before I headed over.

When we are done eating he walks me to his room where he shows me PHOTOS FOR LIKE AN HOUR. And mind you some are REPEATS FROM THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM. He talks about the editing process and proceeds to show me the before and after to what feels like a million pictures and when he is done with that he does the same with HIS BROTHERS PHOTOGRAPHS.

Once every single photo is looked through he says that we should watch a movie. I agree. He chooses a little artsy film of course that is not too bad actually. And we sit side by side for about two hours on his couch in his room. He hints at moving to the bed, I play dumb.

• So you see, I have been seeing a lovely Taurus man with a passion for a Rap career and flashy designer brands for about 5 months now. And during this time I have been taken on dates by men who should be exactly what i’m looking for. Men who are wild about me and send me videos of them crying because they want my attention. Men who have driven an hour to see me after a long day at work. Men who have tried to plan weekends away with me and all expenses covered by them. And i’m honestly not even sure if I deserve this. But I can’t shake this Trapstar Taurus who for some reason I feel such a bond to. We live very different lives and yet we speak the same, have similar demeanors and spend about 3 nights a week together. Like the first time this man was in my room he saw my jewelry box and says “oh so that is where you keep your chains”. Like “no bae it’s where I keep my cutie little necklaces.” I am riding out this connection to wherever it takes me because I can tell it will be important.

We stay sitting in his room after the movie is over in his cold basement room. He puts his arm around me and opens up his Spotify account. He scrolls through his own playlists and shares why each are named what they are and when he made them. And I listen.

He then decides to find my Spotify to look through mine. We have similar music tastes and he begins to quiz me on the Artists in my playlist.

“What is your favorite song by them?” followed by “Yea that is their biggest for sure.” And for some reason I am finding myself feeling self conscious over my own music taste for some reason. Once this is over and he has shown me his favorite cover of his favorite song on Youtube, he pours himself another glass of wine, pours some into my water cup that was preoccupied with water of course. I tell him I have to leave because i’m tired and I fake yawn which prompts me to actually yawn yawn.

“Would you like me to walk you up?” He lives with 4 other male roommates and he is in the basement.

“That would be lovely, thank you so much.”

When I put my shoes back on he hugs me on the way out. To sum it up, the hug is bad. And I chase the hug with a lite jog out of the house.

A creative and passionate man. He is tall and dresses like the boy version of me. He enjoys buying local art and loves surrounding his life with color. He wants to make people happy and show them that he cares about them. He plans what could’ve been the perfect date. And yet somehow there is not a thing that is drawing me to text him back yet again. There is no electricity. There is no energy between our eye contact, when it really feels like there should be.

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday. I would request off the whole halloweek if I could. I tried and I can’t…

Last Halloween there was a party at my apartment. And it was actually kinda the perfect little halloween party. Not too crazy but like still bumping.

I had the perfect costume too. I was an evil tooth-fairy. Like are you kidding me right now. I was covered in blood, in white wings and a little skirt. It was seriously a good idea. And even better…. a scorpio “friend” was supposed to show up with a blacked out tooth and a bloody shirt. It was gonna be perfect.

My man… uhh I mean my “friend” didn’t show.

And so you see… this “friend” had wanted me to be a little more serious with them. They suggested that we be a little bit more “one on one” for a lack of any better terminology. To which I said I had to think about that. So whatever. But now at this time I was seeing more of a future than expected. He was sweet. He bought me food. He cried in my arms. He wanted me to stay over. Like little situationship or whatever the hell.

But the issue was that we didn’t click….. in ways…. ways…. but I really can’t get into all that here. Or maybe I can but shouldn’t.

Well anyways. Mind made up. He’s done. Ghosted??? No sir, wrong girl.

But this man sent BOOKS of apologies to me. And honestly it wasn’t that deep but I was self sabotaging. I was bothered by this man. I was stressing it actually… then he sent me 25 dollars over imessage as an apology. But that was a turnoff. Begging is an ick. I say this because I have not once ever made a man I was interested in beg for me. I always cave before that point. But I was just mad and then it felt like he wanted me too much. Freaky.

I sent it back.

To which he sent a beautifully scripted text apology that insisted on taking me out to dinner.A date was set.

But by this time I was more hurt that he stood me up. And was pretty sensitive to being let down. So the whole date I spent really quiet. And he held my hands. He begged for my attention with his eyes, posture, his hands. But that made sad. I didn’t like how easily I hurt him. It made me feel bad. Like powerful and bad. Like a “why am I really mad at this man? but I can’t stop” bad. So I had to keep it up because I was too afraid of being vulnerable around him. In this moment I knew it was over.

Today I was on a walk with my wonderful purple pisces friend. We walk down by the river here and there for therapeutic reasons. And on this walk I see a bicycle coming our way. This bike really stood out to me for the fact that SCORPIO MAN WAS ON SO SAID BIKE.

And every memory came back to me. It was crazy. The way that I hadn’t thought about this man since and now I remember everything about him. It struck me kinda hard.

I thought about his hobbies first. He told me that he was passionate about bread. He then pulled up photos of astonishing loaves of bread with patterns and designs.

I remembered things about his family. They lived in Texas. But he had no huge ties to Texas. No super close friends. I remembered him decorating his room so I’d be comfortable in there. And his UGG brand comforter. And honestly I’d heist that. And his willingness to let me raid his closet on the first date. I remembered him letting me see his coding. And his stories about computer science.

It felt like I knew everything about him again. But somehow I can’t remember his last name. But I knew the person inside.

And I didn’t understand the feeling at all. It felt like Id always know those things about him. That the next time I see him in public, I’ll remember his pasta, beans and marinara combo. That he biked across the US alone for fun.

I feels like his face will forever be engraved in my brain. But this shocked me.

And the more that I think about it, I think that man really would’ve been good for/to me. But I can’t confirm that I would be to him.

I sleep best when i’m alone.

Yesterday was odd. I went to work for a mid Saturday shift. It started perfect but if I sum it up with as little words as possible, I left right at five running out the door and half my eye makeup was on a paper towel in the bathroom trashcan. I shouldn’t get into the rest online because of Digital footprint or something like that……I guess.

Whatever all that. Can’t put it out. protecting my peace.

I have plans to hangout with my Cancer woman. She is to die for. She wants to go on a hike and usually i’d be all over this idea. But my puffy eyes and hungry stomach wants food and a shower.

When she gets to my house she unknowingly corners herself in my living room while I RUN CIRCLES AROUND THE ROOM WITH MY MOUTH while applying mascara. God bless her.

She drives us to a new Thai food place downtown. I got this amazing Brussel sprout dish with tofu. If I could right now I would jump into it and do snow angels. Salivating as I type. While in the restaurant she lets me again run my mouth. I probably should pay her hourly. But we eat and gossip in cute outfits with cute makeup. So far a perfect evening.

Most of the time we hangout we find ourselves shopping. Living with this woman for a year taught me a lot. She has a different perspective than I do, but we tend to come to similar conclusions. I really enjoy that.

We find our way to Target on a Saturday night of course. We run about the whole store before heading to the Department that we both knew we’d end up in the first place. I get acne patches in the shape of blue stars while she gets acne patches in white circles. We get mostly all that we needed and it takes up four hands because we did not get a cart. The self checkout line is crazy but we wait patiently, and talk. The man in front of us is very much listening and so is the woman behind. Like damn, why can’t anyone mind their own business when two loud and observant girls are talking. Hello?

We checkout and head to another store to get some cute purple things for our cute purple Pisces friend. This is also a success plus I find some funky and pink candlestick holders.

We head back to my apartment to unload and urinate. And I suggest dessert because she has something she wants to get her mind off of and I don’t wanna leave her presence yet. So she gets a slice of cake and I get the one vegan option. German chocolate is never something I search for but I have to admit that it was kinda everything and more in that moment. But our conversation has shifted.

My friend had periodically been checking her phone all night because she had a gut feeling that someone was being slimy to her. They were. As the sky darkened her anxiety started building to the point that her legs were shaking. My sweet Cancer woman.

We ended up confirming her intuition which was super disappointing to see. But I have no business sharing anymore of her story. Just know that if anyone reads this… do not lie to a woman, her and her friends will find out.

When I got home that night I held a great distain for men. My rose colored glasses had fallen off and I was reminded of that feeling again. The relief and heartbreak that is felt once you find something out and everything that follows will come crashing down.

I washed my hair, shaved my legs, painted my toenails, put on a slip and powered off my phone. I went to bed alone, this wasn’t originally the plan. But at the end of the day I am a woman and my energy can’t and won’t always be given to a man.

I sleep best alone.

I work a grave or two a week right now and it is detrimental to my mental and physical health. I often spend the afternoon after the shift with very little to say, maybe feeling a bit unmotivated. I find myself having a hard time grasping my why in this world when I wake up so late. This will usually bring me to a spiral and I tend to question my entire existence.

This is usually more logic based compared to feeling based. This is where I rage about scheduling, career, schooling, sleep, eating. Basically just all the inner workings of my day and how they effect my life. I tend to be pretty pissed when stuck in this loop, but most of the time it feels like a kickstart to change my life.

But today I woke up emotional. I CAN’T STOP CRYING!!!!!!!

Today is a day that I feel completely hopeless. I am actively sobbing as I write this. But someone has to multitask.

I woke up and started a cup of coffee first thing. No almond milk or creamer. So of course I had to cry over this….. girl WTF

Then I see that its 1:30 PM PM PM PM PM! IN THE AFTERNOON! PM PM! So I cry.

I am making breakfast which I MUST do every morning. Today was two pieces of toast with almond butter, hemp seeds and two cut up bananas on top. I enjoy this with now a cold cup of black coffee. A little caffeine and fruit is usually followed by some dancing and a smile. But as I’m eating I go on TIKTOK and the first video to pop up is a lobster running into a pot of oil. SOBBBBBINGGGGG SOBBING.

This was a wakeup call for sure. And I don’t know what needs to happen but I have to change something soon.

xoxoxo luv ya a milli

Me and my amazing roommates got the “go ahead” to start moving out about a week ago. So naturally we started 4 days ago and waiting until the absolute last minute to clean it.

A trash bag was started with expired food that sat in the kitchen in the apartment that had no type of AC. This trash tripled in size as we cleaned and organized. But unfortunately the perishables got hot. THEY STANK SO BAD. Our ex chosen roommate who moved out a week before us had left a container of garbanzo beans. I would never wish the scent of rotten beans on my worst enemy. It lingers. And stank up the entire apartment. I put the bag outside.

On the last day for us to have our keys, we decided to go out to eat as a sweet little group and then deep clean the hell out of the apartment.

As a team we got through it kinda fast. The last thing that we had to do was take out the trash. But it had fit just about everything and more in the apartment. There was no way that we could carry it. Genuinely so heavy. Dragging it became the best option, it being the only option.

We started to move it along and it was really so clear that we were not going to make it in one piece. But what else to do? As we drug it, a small trail of liquid started to form behind it. PANIC! spillage is inevitable! The pace picks up and now i’m going quick. As the pace quickens, a smaller trail of NEON ORANGE starts to form. NOOOO! i’m running but a curb is approaching. PANIC DOWN MY SPINE. I jump that curb with my bag of trash, she sticks the landing against all odds. But a handle breaks, I grab the body of the bag and am running. We are stopped. A speed bump has now stopped all motion. We try to slowly pull the bag over it and the bag tears. We stop to think.

Lilah steps in and grabs the bag to pull it and now what used to be a bag is spilling all its contents. SPICY MAYO is all over the place. WARM STINKY SPICY MAYO! But we are in too deep and the trash is now scattered about 8 feet across the parking lot. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT.

We are just about on the floor laughing about this. It was a suicide mission from the start, and the NEON ORANGE STINKY SPICY MAYO trail is too much for us to handle. We have accepted our fate to pickup all this trash but we are very much not prepared so we stare and laugh at the mess for a couple minutes.

An angel flies above us and drops down a stranger with a kind kind soul. A middle aged man who rode over on a bike is now walking over to us with a shovel. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

He speaks “oh my god” and “wow oh god” like a broken record and helps us shovel our trash the remaining ways to the dumpster. An Earth angel. We give the beautiful soul ten dollars because honestly he was going Gods work.

We did the final drive of dropping stuff off at mine and Pisces woman’s apartment. We are still laughing but hard hard now. A kind of uncontrollable laughter that I haven’t had in a really insanely long time. So I cried, and disguised it as laughter.

Yesterday I woke up in a very unusual mood. I was super tired which unfortunately is very normal for me. But I was kinda hazy. The smoke from the local wildfires came back which could’ve been contributing to it, but in an overall I felt like the world weighed more. Taking my steps were more labor intensive, eye contact with myself in the mirror made me uncomfortable, and I didn’t enjoy the way music was sounding. I assumed at this point it was possibly hormonal or something.

I get to work at the high volume/fast paced 24 hour coffee shop I work at. And it was a shift set up for success. Not exactly the quickest coffee makers, but people all of the same mindset who make a smooth and easy shift. I was incorrect.

The cars came consistently which is alway nice. But the people inside them were unpredictable. I was talking to one of my regulars at the window while she described two popped tires, a house fire and a stalker all in a two week span. Her drink was complicated so they were walking a trainee through it. This prompts the woman behind her to pull out of line to storm up to the walkup window to rant about me talking to my regular. How she won’t stand for the wait, mind you by the time she got to the window I was handing out the person who was originally behind hers order. That is no biggie to me though. I don’t mind impatient people all too much. I understand what it feels like to be waiting, and its pretty obnoxious if you’re already in a mood. But then again if you don’t want conversation, go to a coffee shop that isn’t KNOWN for service..

The hour span that I was on that window was emotional. I talked with men coming home from work to burry Coco, their dog who they found hit that morning. Coco was 7.

I talked with a regular who opened up about a son that she lost a few weeks ago. He went into a Fent induced coma that she ended up pulling the plug on. His daughters are now staying with her in the house that she shares with about 6 other grieving family members.

I usually spend about 5 minutes a shift talking and grieving with people. Today was abnormal. Sometimes I hold their hands or maybe give them little drawings. This is something that I feel is important. A safe place to rant with a stranger, I am an outlet to release some energy and I think it is really important to have something like that if you can’t in your daily life. And I can usually hold my composure pretty well while this occurs. But today was not the day.

I took my break in the middle of my window hour so I could rebuild my vibrations. I sat in my car and listened to the song at the top on repeat about 4 times.

I also ate half of a banana and threw the rest at a flock of crows that was eaten by the end of my shift. Before going inside I grabbed a small pouch that the stand’s favorite regular made for me that I have crystals in. I don’t wear crystals on me at work very often.

I go back inside to finish my shift strong.

I have a delightful regular who I don’t know all too well. He is middle aged, tatted all over, large but a little quiet and overall absolutely delightful man that I am beginning to see more often. The first time I met this man was a random night shift that I had gotten called in for. He had come through with the oddest energy that I really couldn’t put my finger on. I asked him what he was doing all day and he informed me that his daughter just gave birth. We celebrated a bit. And so the next time the man came through I asked him about her, he was very excited to talk about his new family member. I was happy to hear it. I see him about every week. He is sweet and always pretty quiet. We do not talk too much but he is easily one of my favorites to see because he feels safe to be around.

I am making drinks yesterday and see his usual drink pop up on the screen but under “Bad Day”. I make it ASAP, write on it “we love you” and go outside to run it to him. I hand him the drink and he starts to cry instantly. I ask him what is wrong and he is silent so I ask him if I can hug him. He gets out of his car and I hold this man as tight as I can. His vibrations were so insanely low that I swear I could feel them when I touched him. I spent about a minute holding this man and giving him the best affirmations that I could. But it was all so emotional and powerful that I am having a hard time remembering the words that we exchanged. I can only remember the feeling of his aura. When we let go I remember my crystals and hand him a moss agate. This was a random grab but I truly believe it was the correct accidental choice due to moss agate promoting communication and balancing stress and depression and encouraging hope. He gets back into his car and like instantly I am in the standing fighting back tears.

I felt as though I had absorbed some of his energy. I felt like I did because my stomach started to ache in the same way that it does when I myself am hopeless and anxious.

The interaction consumed me. I thought about him all night. I worried about my words and worried about where he was. He never directly told me why he was feeling that way, but he felt to be in pain. And I was scared of that. The way we interacted outside of his car, in front of about 7 other cars leads me to believe that he was in awful shape. I seriously can’t wrap my mind around his energy. And I feel so hopeless when they drive away. I feel like if they stay just a little bit longer that i’ll be able to somehow take the negative energy although this is highly unlikely.

When I drove home from work I listened to that song again and again and again because it felt like it was regulating me. I had to shower and SRUB hard when I got home. I needed to fresh start the night. I made a wonderful dinner with lots of veggies and I cleaned my room with all the windows and doors opened to air out the trapped energy before I could let someone else enter my home.

The night was wonderful because a Taurus person came over. Their reliable, upbeat demeanor is always welcome in my home. I genuinely try my hardest to make it a welcoming environment for them when they come over. And we spent some time blowing bubbles and chasing a good lightning view at my apartment complex. We play chess and listen to music.

I felt like the vibrations had leveled once again.

I slept so well.

I just wanna say this is a hugeeeee TMI. But I am sharing this anyways.

I currently have the copper IUD birth control. It is non-hormonal and lasts like 12 years or something. This has greatly impacted my periods though. They are like freaky freaky heavy. I have switched to the disk as my chosen feminine hygiene product due to this. In an overall glance it holds so much more liquid and is much better for the environment than disposable and plastic wrapped tampons. But I am still new to them and have stumbled across some obstacles.

Summer is good. The sun is great. Vitamin D is crucial. And finding myself in water during all this is NON NEGOTIABLE!

I work with some very likeminded and delightful people. One in particular has the perfect balance of bold and fire to calm and slightly awkward. We get along well. I love her. But she invited me to go to a swim spot that she knew about, It was too good. Perfect actually. And me and one of my witchy women and her and one of her besties all met there. I had knowingly started my period at work about 2 hours before so when I went home I threw that bad boy in (my disk). I also wore a black bottom just to be safe hehe.

We arrived to the place and it is just impeccable. Trees all over. A bridge with a rope swing underneath. Deep and warm water… it is currently on fire as we speak but i’ll get deeper into that soon. Whatever… It is perfect. We are there for a couple hours just swimming and swinging and enjoying every minute of our time off the grid. My disk still in let me remind you. But now the time has come to leave. We have exerted all our energy and are now in desperate need of food.

We make the 52 minute drive to SUBO sushi burritos!!!! This is like my all time favorite summer food. We order and eat, I take everyone home. I drive home myself and have realized that my disk has been in for like 8 hours. This wouldn’t normally be an issue but since I had swam in a swamp and was still wearing damp swamp swim bottoms, it was.

After my period stopped I had a PP appointment for a general checking and they told me I had “a light case of BV.” I am very much under the impression that my swamp disk gave me this.

BTW the BV is all gone now for your reassurance.

This is my warning to not swim about with any cup or disk like feminine hygiene product unless you can shower and boil her immediately after.

I swear that I am cognitively declining or something like it. Recently I have been putting things on top of the fridge instead of inside. I have also been putting really weird things in the washing machine on accident. My purse has gone through about 4 laundry cycles in the past two months. And honestly those things are really minor, but when it happens often it makes me feel CRAZY.

The reason why I saw this is because the other night I was intending on making tofu. I cut it up and set it on a pan with some oil. And at some point walked away from it. I saw it about 8 hours later on the stovetop and was too busy to make it so I threw it in the fridge, pan and all. The next day I wake up and go about my time. I am working a grave that night so naturally I make a bag of popcorn and throw the fridge tofu on the stove and make it with teriyaki sauce… some call this girl dinner.

• side note!!!!!! Ive been posing a lot about me eating fruit and now everyone is messaging me about fruit which gives me a reason to talk about fruit. I have created the perfect environment of conversation for me.

I went to work AND HAD TO VOM SO BAD. But like whatever right? Ok so I’m up and working in the middle of the night of course. And we have a regular who tips a bunch but has a weird fascination with me and a couple other girls. But he comes by so I hide because he is not as creepy with the girl I was working with. But he asks her about me. She tried to play it off but he really wanted to see me so I intended on popping my head up and just saying Hi. But the man wants to trap you every time. And I got stuck in an uncomfortable conversation. When I go up to the front he starts it off with a “how have you been?” Im short with him and say “good.” He then looks me up and down and says “so I found your insta the other night. It just popped up on my suggested.”

“Oh weird.”

He looks me up and down and says “girl…”

“What?”

“Oh you know.” he says with a creepy chill inducing smirk.

“What?”

“You post some spicy content on there.”

“WHAT?!”

“Oh yea I see those bikini pictures.”

“Ew don’t say that my mom follows me.” and I walk to the back while he is asking if i’m in a relationship. I pretend not to hear. Then I archive some summer pics with friends because now i’m self conscious and aggravated.

HE LEAVES..

I go to the bathroom and vomit up my tofu and popcorn.